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Week oneIssue 2 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

ShowersIsland weather, Wed

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 2Vanilla Duo edition

Week oneChapter oneday 6 of this map29 days left in the season

Fresh off the boat

Newcomer reaches the Oil Rig's elite crate 4.7 hours after arriving

Another finished a mission inside 2.7 hours, and the island is still deciding how it feels about that.

Most residents spend their first hours on this island learning which rocks are rocks. One newer arrival spent them getting to the Oil Rig, and on Saturday evening was first into its elite crate, 4.7 hours after setting foot on the island.

A second newcomer was quicker still in their own line of work, completing a mission on Monday afternoon just 2.7 hours after arriving. The island hands out its missions to everybody. It does not expect many of them back that soon.

Fifty one new residents arrived this week, and the arrivals column has the full count. Most will spend the next fortnight losing things. These two have already found something first, and the paper is glad to say so.

The Wire

Thu 18:32. A resident was first into an elite crate at Small Harbor.

Thu 20:59. A fight at Small Harbor was settled at 18.6 metres.

Fri 00:51. A fight at the Airfield was settled with an SMG at 1.2 metres, which is nearly a handshake.

Fri 18:42. A level one keycard was swiped at The Dome.

Sat 13:09. A resident went fishing and landed a bucket of water.

Sat 16:24. Somebody put 43 scrap on the wheel and walked away with 86.

Sun 18:42. Somebody put 17 scrap on the wheel and walked away with nothing.

Mon 07:10. A parachute opened at 86.2 metres and carried its passenger 456 metres over 26.3 seconds.

Tue 22:45. A level one keycard was swiped at Launch Site.

Crime & Courts

The wipe's first killing was done with a hunting bow from 2.8 metres

The island's opening argument was made at the Airfield on Thursday afternoon, at very close range.

The first resident killed by another this wipe fell at the Airfield on Thursday afternoon, less than two hours into the season. The weapon was a hunting bow and the distance was 2.8 metres, which is closer than the bow was designed for and about as close as anyone stands to a stranger by choice.

The bow came back into fashion at Small Harbor on Saturday evening, this time from 2.3 metres. On Monday evening at the Substation one resident dispensed with range altogether and settled matters with a pickaxe at a recorded distance of nothing at all.

Two lives, eighty four residents

One took its time. The other did not.

One life that ended on Saturday evening had lasted 13 hours 36 minutes, and in that time took 49 residents and 10 scientists with it. That is a long and busy shift by any measure.

The other was shorter and worse. A life that ended on Tuesday evening lasted 55 minutes and accounted for 35 residents, none of them scientists. It did not stop to check anyone's credentials.

Grudges on the island are kept briefly and settled quickly

Three residents got even with whoever had killed them this week. Two did it at Small Harbor: one with an MP5 after waiting 12 minutes, one with an M39 after 87 seconds. The quickest was at P19 on Monday evening, where the score was levelled with a revolver after 57 seconds.

Some accounts stay open. One pair of residents has now killed each other six times, four to two, the latest round on Monday evening. Another pair stands at two to one after Friday night. The island keeps the tally and takes no side.

P19 also produced the longest kill of the week on Monday evening: a bolt rifle shot of 223.7 metres.

The Deep

One diver surfaced six crates in 15 minutes

Others went down and simply stayed there.

Early on Saturday, one diver brought up six underwater crates inside 15 minutes, the kind of rate that suggests a plan rather than luck.

Others took the slower view. One resident spent 2 hours 11 minutes in the deep sea from late Tuesday into Wednesday, and another spent 1 hour 55 minutes down there on Sunday night. The sea did not ask them to leave. It rarely does.

Monuments

Twenty five swipes at the Underwater Lab, all from the same resident

The door was the busiest on the island. It had one regular.

The most visited locked door of the week was at the Underwater Lab, swiped 25 times on Thursday night. Every one of those swipes came from a single resident. The paper does not know what they were looking for, only that they were very sure it was in there.

Elsewhere the island's puzzle rooms went begging. One sat solved for 21 hours 26 minutes before anyone came to collect on Saturday morning, and another for 20 hours 5 minutes before Sunday morning. Somebody did the hard part and then, apparently, wandered off.

Business & the Casino

The wheel paid 1,452 scrap on Monday and took 226 back a minute later

Still short of last wipe's record, which turned 111 scrap into 2,331.

The largest payout this paper saw from the wheel at Bandit Camp came on Monday afternoon: 1,452 scrap. A minute later the wheel recorded a 226 scrap stake that returned nothing. The wheel considers this a fair exchange.

Smaller sums moved too. One resident doubled 43 scrap into 86 on Saturday afternoon, and another put 17 scrap down on Sunday evening and received none of it back. Last wipe's biggest spin stands at 2,331. This map's wheel has not caught it yet.

The Farm Report

Two residents found home and saw no reason to leave it

One life that ended on Friday afternoon lasted 13 hours 10 minutes, 96 percent of it spent at base. Another, ending on Friday evening, lasted 9 hours 30 minutes and spent all of it there. The island outside carried on without them, and they appear not to have minded.

Obituaries

A gentle life of 12 hours 39 minutes

A resident who lived 12 hours 39 minutes, 12.1 of those hours at base, died early on Tuesday without having harmed a single thing, not even a rabbit. On this island that is rarer than an elite crate.

The island, which had been patient for all twelve of those hours, eventually collected anyway.

Two more who never raised a hand

A resident who lived 9 hours 43 minutes, 7.5 of them at base, died on Friday afternoon having hurt nothing. Another lived 7 hours 27 minutes, 7.3 of them at base, and died early on Tuesday with the same clean record. Neither started anything. The island finished it regardless.

Weather

  • ThuSqually
  • FriPassing showers
  • SatShowers
  • SunSqually
  • MonPassing showers
  • TueClear
  • WedShowers

A changeable first week: squalls on Thursday and Sunday, showers or passing showers most other days, and Tuesday the only day seen entirely clear. Wednesday was the wettest, with rain in 19 percent of the sky checks.

Watch next week

  • You'll want to see whether the wheel beats Monday's 1,452 scrap, and whether anyone finally reaches last wipe's 2,331.
  • Watch whether the feud standing at four kills to two closes the gap or simply gets longer.
  • See whether anyone on this map lands a kill beyond 223.7 metres before the next issue.

The BZ Chronicle is drafted by machine from the island’s own event wire and read by a human before it prints. It never prints held wealth, base locations or anyone’s schedule. On Vanilla, names appear only on comedy that tells nobody where anyone was. Rather not be named? Ask in Discord and the paper will leave you out.