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Week twoIssue 3 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

Passing showersIsland weather, Tue

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 3PvE Zombies edition

Week two22 days left in the season

Horse trouble

A horse kills jimhawkins at the Abandoned Supermarket

The island's horses had a busy week, and not all of it was spent carrying people.

jimhawkins had been alive for 4 hours and 23 minutes on Monday night when a horse ended it at the Abandoned Supermarket. The island lists the cause without comment. It does not say what passed between them beforehand.

Murder Hobo bought a horse on Wednesday evening and was dead three minutes later. This time the record lists the cause as self, which leaves the horse with an alibi.

Meanwhile TheFlyingCow has covered 158 kilometres on horseback this wipe, further than any other rider on the island. After this week that looks less like a hobby and more like nerve.

The Wire

Wed 23:08. Ghee Buttersnaps came out of a purge on the winning side.

Thu 15:02. TooBy collected 196 scrap from the wheel at Bandit Camp.

Thu 22:15. k014 landed an anchovy.

Fri 20:24. A car was shredded, and nobody has claimed it.

Sat 03:53. shadowbro lost a fish and caught an anchovy a minute later, which is how fishing usually goes.

Sun 08:33. TP launched a boat of 20 blocks and 15 deployables at D2.

Sun 10:17. Bloody abandoned a wood delivery to the floating city.

Tue 22:21. CyDEAL launched a larger boat at J26: 53 blocks and 32 deployables.

Wed 18:35. KellenQ completed a treasure mission.

Business & the Casino

CyanN turns 6,000 scrap into 66,000 on one spin

The session finished 93,000 scrap up.

CyanN put 6,000 scrap on a single spin on Friday morning and watched it come back as 66,000. By the end of the session CyanN was 93,000 scrap ahead, which is the kind of number the casino usually keeps for itself.

The house recovered some dignity on Monday morning, when Grimoire paid 78 scrap into the big wheel betting terminal and received nothing.

Transit

New minicopters last minutes in the hands of their owners

The showroom had a profitable week. The buyers did not.

Bloody bought a minicopter early on Monday and owned it for 79 seconds. It exploded at I9 a minute later with Bloody aboard. Analgesicø kept one for 16 minutes on Saturday, and AAOgotti Twitch managed 12 on Sunday evening, of which more below.

Bigger purchases did no better. mahoni06 bought an attack helicopter on Tuesday and was killed by a scientist two minutes later. Burnin bought a rowboat on Saturday evening and was dead within two minutes, the record listing the cause as self. The rowboat was cheaper, at least.

The Ranch

GrimReaper's ranch welcomes 85 newborns

The island's busiest ranch belongs to GrimReaper, where 85 animals were born this week: 37 lambs, 25 calves and 23 male calves.

On Tuesday morning GrimReaper also completed a boar hunt, which suggests a broad and complicated relationship with livestock.

The Deep

Sweet surfaces 34 underwater crates in 15 minutes

Last issue's mark of 31 has fallen.

Last issue asked whether anyone would beat 31 underwater crates in 15 minutes. Sweet answered on Friday afternoon with 34 in the same span.

The deep sea was less generous elsewhere. On Monday night a resident's wood delivery to the floating city failed because the deep sea had closed.

Sport

Four residents clear the week's hardest raidable base

Chizzlo, [Zonked] Real►, Peaks and IIDragonlancer took down a tier three raidable base early on Sunday, the hardest cleared all week.

At the gentler end, BullhornMcKenzie cleared a tier one base at O19 on Saturday evening.

New Arrivals

Lord Grievus opens an elite crate at the Large Oil Rig on day one

Under eight hours on the island, and already at the top of the rig.

Lord Grievus had been on the island for 7.8 hours on Sunday afternoon when the elite crate at the Large Oil Rig opened for them first. Most residents take considerably longer to get that far, and some never do.

Lord Grievus was one of 158 new residents to arrive this week.

Around the Island

The grid reaches stage four and the satellite falls twice

The island's power grid came up to stage four on Tuesday night. About half an hour later the satellite came down in the jungle swamp, and on Wednesday evening it came down again at G7.

The cargo ship was seen leaving at least six times over the week, on schedule and unbothered.

Crime & Courts

The wipe's first resident killing involved a car

On a PvE island, the first blood came from a chassis.

The first resident killed by another this wipe died at E19 on 07 OCT. The record names Jagawatz and one other resident who will not be named here, and gives the weapon as a four-module car chassis at a distance of zero.

Obituaries

Two F1 grenades, two owners, one Tuesday evening

Spartan0075 was five minutes into a life at N19 on Tuesday evening when an F1 grenade of their own ended it. Five days earlier an F1 had gone the other way for Spartan0075 at E10.

Two hours later BRUISER4109 did the same at E14, also five minutes into a life, also with an F1. The grenades are not believed to have been in contact.

Second lives, short ones

Skrrt Vonnegut got Grimoire back on their feet on Tuesday afternoon. Grimoire's second life lasted 14 seconds and ended in a fall.

On Monday morning kc revived xxx, who then had 18 seconds before a scientist arrived. The island respects a revival. It simply does not feel bound by one.

The week’s awards

Buyer's Remorse Cup
To Bloody, who bought a minicopter and owned it for 79 seconds before it exploded with Bloody still aboard.
The Second Chance, Briefly
To Grimoire, revived on Tuesday and dead from a fall 14 seconds later.
Hermit of the Week
To Deeply, who lived for 10 hours and 27 minutes and spent 95 percent of it at home.
The Scientists' Favourite
To Rope, killed by scientists 22 times in 12.6 hours of play. They have started keeping a seat warm.
The Self Destruct Prize
To AggroTV, three minutes into a life at S17, naked, and undone by a beancan grenade of AggroTV's own making.

Resident of the week

AAOgotti Twitch

30.1 hours on the island this season

AAOgotti Twitch spends the week coming back, briefly

AAOgotti Twitch bought a minicopter on Sunday evening and kept it for 12 minutes. It exploded at N24 shortly afterwards with nobody in it, which is at least the better way round.

The rest of the week was spent being revived alongside AggroTV, and not for long. On Saturday night the second life lasted four minutes and ended by AAOgotti Twitch's own hand. Early on Sunday a scientist cut it to 46 seconds, and on Monday evening another managed it in 59. Across 30.1 hours this season, AAOgotti Twitch has become the island's most persistent returner. The island has noticed, and keeps sending scientists.

Classifieds

From 73 vending machines and 257 offers in stock.

Ambitious pricing

  • Jar of Honey, 5 scrap. At “A Shop”, proprietor em0guarddawg. 25 times the going rate.

Bargains

  • Hemp Clone, 5 high quality metal. At “A Shop”, proprietor Gabrio. a 90% discount on the going rate.
  • pie.bear.rich, 25 scrap. At “A Shop”, proprietor CyDEAL. a 70% discount on the going rate.

Also open for business: Bridge Shop, Bridge Shop Delux, Bridge Vending, CONNORS ORE EMPORIUM:eyebrow:, CyanN's Store, CyanN's Store 2, Getcha Nukes, HI <3, Kuromi's Bakery :heart:, Kuromi's Teas :heart:, L9 FOR SALE, MT2B CuttleFish company.

Weather

  • WedClear
  • ThuPassing showers
  • FriSqually
  • SatSqually
  • SunShowers
  • MonClear
  • TuePassing showers

Wednesday and Monday were clear throughout, while Friday and Saturday were logged as squally. Sunday was the wettest, with rain in 15 percent of looks at the sky.

Watch next week

  • Whether anyone beats Sweet's 34 underwater crates in 15 minutes before the next issue.
  • Whether AAOgotti Twitch's next second life outlasts four minutes, and whether you are the scientist who ends it.
  • Whether TheFlyingCow keeps riding past 158 kilometres, and whether you trust a horse on this island after what happened to jimhawkins.

The BZ Chronicle is drafted by machine from the island’s own event wire and read by a human before it prints. It never prints held wealth, base locations or anyone’s schedule. Rather not be named? Ask in Discord and the paper will leave you out.