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Week twoIssue 3 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

Passing showersIsland weather, Tue

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 3PvE Pure edition

Week two22 days left in the season

Airfield incident

A scrap heli was destroyed at the Airfield with nobody in it and nobody near it

EasyStr33t's scrap heli was written off on Tuesday evening without any help from anyone else.

On Tuesday evening at the Airfield, EasyStr33t's scrap heli was written off. Nobody was flying it. Nobody else was involved. The damage was recorded as an explosion, and that is all the island has agreed to say.

Most aircraft on the island are lost to a hill, a turret or a bad decision made at altitude. This one did not need any of those. It sat at the Airfield, pilotless, and came apart on its own terms.

It was not a good week for anything with rotors. The transit page has the rest.

The Wire

Wed 22:02. McDonnell Douglas F4 Phantom II paid 1,000 scrap into the big wheel betting terminal and received nothing back.

Wed 22:32. MYTHOS grew a hemp plant with the gene line GYYGGY, about as close to perfect as the farm desk ever sees.

Wed 22:55. The cargo ship left the island's waters.

Thu 23:37. Blackbeard completed a mission.

Fri 18:18. Bubba took 60 scrap from the wheel at Bandit Camp.

Fri 23:31. ​>Bluishvirus<​ surfaced seven underwater crates inside 15 minutes.

Sat 16:44. Slice set out to hunt scientists by boat and had the mission called off because the deep sea was closed.

Sat 18:30. SoullessReaper13's minicopter was shot down by a SAM site at O16 with nobody aboard.

Tue 19:39. plisscan headed out into the deep sea.

Wed 04:29. Algirdas built a boat at B20 from 36 blocks and 19 deployables.

Transit

Three aircraft bought, three owners dead within minutes

Two minicopters lasted a minute each. The attack helicopter managed three.

Grim Neptune bought a minicopter on Monday morning and was dead a minute later, by their own hand. hifirock had done exactly the same on Saturday evening: one minicopter, one minute, no outside help.

duckie went bigger on Tuesday night with an attack helicopter and got three minutes out of it before dying from a fall. By the standards of the week, that counts as a long service record.

Business & the Casino

The slots paid three people this week, and Bonifon36 was not one of them

Thirty losing spins in a row, then somebody else's jackpot five minutes later.

In the early hours of Tuesday, Bonifon36 put in 99 spins, lost 30 of them in a row, and walked away 250 scrap down. Five minutes after that run ended, DaggerMaster turned a 10 scrap stake into 125.

Saul did the same thing later that morning, 10 scrap in and 125 out, and Winnikie managed it on Saturday evening. On Sunday night seanmgiberson put 237 scrap on the wheel at Bandit Camp and was paid 474.

The Ranch

NKDcheeto's ranch recorded 142 births while the island's horses kept drowning

NKDcheeto ran the island's busiest ranch this week: 142 births, made up of 57 lambs, 42 male calves and 43 calves. The paper has no further notes. It was simply a great deal of livestock.

The horses fared worse. On Monday afternoon H.R. Giger's Flaccid Penis, who has covered 107 km on horseback this wipe, lost a horse at P22, cause recorded as self. Less than an hour later another horse drowned at E17 with its rider still aboard. A resident's horse drowned at Fishing Village early on Tuesday, and Mrthanosdih lost one to the water at Bandit Camp on Tuesday night.

Sport

Profilnavn cleared the week's hardest raidable base alone

A tier four base on Saturday afternoon, with one raider.

The hardest raidable base cleared this week was a tier four, and Profilnavn took it on Saturday afternoon without company. It brings their total across all tiers to 91 bases cleared.

New Arrivals

Two newcomers got straight to work

The island took in 140 new residents this week. Some of them did not waste time.

Decimal0 completed a mission early on Friday, four and a half hours after first arriving on the island. Chicka doo had been here 2.2 hours when they opened an elite crate at Small Harbor on Tuesday, before anyone else got to it.

Both are welcome. The island will get round to them eventually, but not yet.

Monuments

Power Plant holds on as the island's busiest door

176 swipes from 34 residents, and the grid came up a stage.

Last week Power Plant took 201 swipes from 28 residents and finished as the island's busiest locked door. This week it did it again, with 176 swipes from 34 different residents. Fewer swipes, more people, same door.

On Saturday evening the island's power grid came up to stage four.

Oddities

The Rat Dad has fired 4,924 rounds this wipe and hit with 96 of them

A hit rate of 1.9 percent, and a great deal of brass on the ground.

Since the wipe began, The Rat Dad has fired 4,924 shots and landed 96. That works out to 1.9 percent. The other 4,828 rounds are somewhere on the island, and the island is keeping them.

Obituaries

Two residents brought back, and two auto turrets who did not agree

On Wednesday evening MYTHOS brought dubslifematters back to life. An auto turret ended that second life 42 seconds later.

That was generous by the standard fedbruh47 set early on Sunday. Revived by Genesis Clouds, fedbruh47 lasted 14 seconds before an auto turret settled the matter. Both revivers did everything right. The turrets simply had other plans.

K9unit, who harmed nothing

K9unit lived 6 hours and 34 minutes, six of them at base, and in all that time did not harm a single thing, not even a rabbit. The life ended just after midnight on Tuesday. The rabbits have not commented.

868AJ, a regular

868AJ has died to NPCs 25 times this wipe in 18 hours of play, which makes them the scientists' most reliable customer. Every visit ended the same way, and 868AJ kept going back.

The week’s awards

The Second Chance, Briefly
To dubslifematters, revived by MYTHOS on Wednesday evening and back in the hands of an auto turret 42 seconds later.
Spray and Pray Medal
To The Rat Dad: 4,924 shots fired this wipe, 96 hits, and a hit rate of 1.9 percent.
Patience of the Week
To Bonifon36, who sat through 30 losing spins in a row on Tuesday morning and kept spinning, 99 times in all.
The Scientists' Favourite
To 868AJ, 25 deaths to NPCs in 18 hours, and never once a reason to stop going back.
The Conscientious Objector
To K9unit, who lived 6 hours and 34 minutes without harming a living thing, rabbits included.

Resident of the week

dubslifematters

104.8 hours on the island this season

dubslifematters tried thirst, a satchel and an auto turret, in that order

dubslifematters has put 104.8 hours into this season, and this week the island seemed determined to try every method on them. It began slowly on Monday afternoon at P12, with a death from thirst after 6 hours and 15 minutes. On Tuesday afternoon at Lake A, things moved faster: 39 minutes of life, 447 shots fired and none of them hitting anything, and then death by their own explosive satchel.

By Wednesday evening the process was very efficient. MYTHOS brought dubslifematters back to life, and an auto turret ended it again 42 seconds later. Four deaths, each quicker than the one before it, and never the same way twice. The island admires that kind of range.

Classifieds

From 116 vending machines and 393 offers in stock.

Ambitious pricing

  • Fertilizer, 1 scrap. At “A Shop”, proprietor stevenrhenderson. 5 times the going rate.

Bargains

  • Basic Blueprint Fragment, 1 scrap. At “meow”, proprietor gloobie.
  • 20 × Jar of Honey, 1 scrap. At “HONEY UNLIMITED:yellowpin::wave:”, proprietor Big Tedies. a 90% discount on the going rate.
  • Advanced Blueprint Fragment, 30 scrap. At “A Shop”, proprietor Algirdas. a 80% discount on the going rate.

Also open for business: 3 Slot Gear :hazmat:, :eyes:, :heartrock:, :wave:, :wave:420 Milk UR Tea :dance:, Ammo, BP FRAGS CHEAP GET NOWWWWW, Backpack, Blueprints/Ballistic, Cloth, DIesel Shop, Drone or Walkup Cloth & Cards.

Weather

  • WedClear
  • ThuPassing showers
  • FriLight cloud
  • SatSqually
  • SunShowers
  • MonClear
  • TuePassing showers

Sunday was the wettest day of the week, with rain in 15 percent of readings, and Saturday turned squally with a storm seen now and then. Wednesday and Monday were clear in every reading.

Watch next week

  • Power Plant was the busiest door again, 176 swipes from 34 of you after last week's 201. Watch whether it makes three weeks running, now the grid is at stage four.
  • dubslifematters, you have now died to thirst, your own satchel and an auto turret. Watch whether you find a fourth method or finally get through a week without one.
  • The Rat Dad, you are at 1.9 percent. Watch whether you clear two percent before the wipe.

The BZ Chronicle is drafted by machine from the island’s own event wire and read by a human before it prints. It never prints held wealth, base locations or anyone’s schedule. Rather not be named? Ask in Discord and the paper will leave you out.