Week oneIssue 2 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

SquallyIsland weather, Wed

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 2Saturday 10 October 2026PvE Pure edition

Week one29 days left in the season

First blood

The wipe's first killing was answered in ten minutes ¶

On a PvE island where residents rarely turn on each other, a Friday evening at Abandoned Cabins produced a killing and a reply.

The first resident killed by another resident this wipe fell at Abandoned Cabins on Friday evening. The victim was Bill Clinton. The shooter was gerogenobby, using an MP5 at close enough quarters that there was no real question of a misunderstanding.

Ten minutes later Bill Clinton was back at the same cabins with a semi auto rifle, and the account was settled. The island has a great many ways of killing a person and generally prefers to handle the matter itself. Residents doing it to each other is rare enough here that a single exchange counts as a crime wave.

Neither party has filed a statement. The score stands at one each. The cabins remain abandoned, which on current evidence is the sensible thing for a cabin to be.

The Wire

Thu 14:55. dubslifematters brought up an underwater crate on the island's first afternoon.

Thu 20:46. Cheeseburger Royal bred a red berry with a near perfect gene line, YYGGGY.

Thu 21:47. An84DayEnd landed a small trout.

Fri 00:44. Katnip put 130 scrap on the wheel at Bandit Camp.

Sat 22:48. OUTLAW777x8104 headed out into the deep sea.

Sun 03:54. The wheel at Bandit Camp paid El Agricultor 26 scrap, a minute after a 12 scrap bet.

Mon 20:44. The Name Is Dan put 500 scrap on the wheel at Bandit Camp.

Tue 23:43. Golden God did 125 scrap of business with a vendor.

Wed 14:07. Katichya paid 55 scrap into the big wheel betting terminal and received nothing back.

Business & the Casino

Teddy♡ sits through 21 dead spins before the slot relents ¶

Monday morning at the machines, and a Sunday result that keeps everyone else coming back.

On Monday morning Teddy♡ pulled the lever 21 times in a row without a payout, part of a 54 spin session whose ledger closes 84 scrap down. A minute after the drought was logged, the same run produced a 75 scrap payout on a 6 scrap stake. The session total suggests the house is not complaining.

Zooty Patooty had a simpler time of it on Sunday, putting 10 scrap into a slot and taking 200 out. It is results like that which keep the rest of the island feeding the machines, and the machines know it.

The Deep

Blue Flame raises eight crates in a quarter hour while others simply stay down ¶

Late on Friday night Blue Flame surfaced eight underwater crates inside 15 minutes, a pace that suggests a diver who knew exactly where to look before getting wet.

Others treated the deep as a place to live. Sektran logged 2 hours 15 minutes in deep water on Monday. Candis and Germ each logged 1 hour 55 minutes, both recorded in the same minute on Monday evening, which is either a partnership or the sea's idea of a joke.

New Arrivals

Six newcomers make themselves at home almost immediately ¶

The island took in 293 new residents this week. Some of them did not wait to be shown around.

SerotoninSlumber finished a mission on Thursday inside the first hour on the island. yaaaa and notckzm did the same on Saturday, each still within their first hour.

Others went straight for the good crates. Liffin was first into an elite crate at Water Treatment Plant on Friday with under two hours on the island. h1pst1r managed it at Large Harbor on Saturday inside the first hour. Kell0gsss took six and a half hours to get there, but there was Large Oil Rig, which is not an address most residents attempt in their first week.

Monuments

Power Plant becomes the island's busiest door, and three puzzle rooms wait for collection ¶

The most visited locked door of the week was at Power Plant: 201 swipes from 28 different residents. Last issue named Missile Silo or the Dome as the likely contested address. The island had other ideas.

Elsewhere, three puzzle rooms were solved and then left alone, for 15 hours 28 minutes, 15 hours 3 minutes and 14 hours 43 minutes respectively. Somebody did the work. Nobody came back for the reward. The rooms, presumably, are still waiting politely.

Transit

Five cars meet the shredder inside half an hour ¶

On Thursday evening, the first day of the wipe, five cars went into the shredder inside half an hour. Only six were shredded all week, so the island's appetite for scrapping vehicles was satisfied almost entirely in one sitting. The sixth followed on Saturday afternoon. Nobody has been named, and the shredder is not saying.

Obituaries

GrandpaDrudge, who harmed nothing, not even a rabbit ¶

GrandpaDrudge lived 9 hours 38 minutes and in all that time did not harm a single thing, not a resident, not a scientist, not a rabbit. Some 5.3 hours of it were spent at home.

The life ended early on Friday. Whatever ended it, it was not GrandpaDrudge's doing, which is more than most residents can say about their week.

gloobie, 10 hours 42 minutes, nearly all of them indoors ¶

gloobie lived 10 hours 42 minutes, 98 percent of them at base. The remaining two percent was apparently enough for the island, which closed the account on Monday morning. The base is said to be in excellent order.

The week’s awards

The Conscientious Objector: To GrandpaDrudge, for 9 hours 38 minutes without harming a living thing, not even a rabbit.
Patience of the Week: To Teddy♡, for 21 losing spins in a row and the composure to keep pulling.
Hermit of the Week: To gloobie, for a life of 10 hours 42 minutes spent 98 percent at home.
Longest Breath Held: To Sektran, for 2 hours 15 minutes in deep water on Monday, longer than anyone else cared to stay.
Salvage Rights: To Blue Flame, for eight underwater crates surfaced inside 15 minutes on Friday night.

Resident of the week

Bill Clinton

63.6 hours on the island this season

Bill Clinton loses the island's first fight and wins its second ¶

Bill Clinton has put more than 63 hours into the island this season, and for most of the first week that was the quiet kind of time. Then on Friday evening, at Abandoned Cabins, Bill Clinton became the first resident of the wipe to be killed by another, gerogenobby having opened with an MP5 at close quarters.

Plenty of residents would have respawned, sulked and gone back to farming. Bill Clinton returned to the same cabins ten minutes later with a semi auto rifle and evened the score. On a PvE island that makes Bill Clinton both the wipe's first victim and its first avenger, all inside a quarter of an hour.

Weather

ThuClear
FriShowers
SatSqually
SunSqually
MonPassing showers
TueThundery
WedSqually

Thursday opened spotless, and Tuesday was the roughest day of the week, with storms seen in a tenth of the readings. Friday brought showers and the weekend and Wednesday ran squally, with Monday offering only a passing shower or two.

Watch next week

Power Plant took 201 swipes from 28 residents to open the season as the busiest door, not the Missile Silo or Dome this paper predicted. Watch whether it holds the title or Missile Silo catches up.
Bill Clinton and gerogenobby are one each after Friday at Abandoned Cabins. Watch whether either of you goes back for a deciding round.
Three puzzle rooms sat solved for around fifteen hours each with nobody collecting. Watch whether one of you starts making the rounds and picking up after everyone else.