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Week twoIssue 3 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

SquallyIsland weather, Tue

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 3PvE Hardcore edition

Week two22 days left in the season

Home defence

A shotgun trap does exactly what Wargunizer built it to do

Last issue's award winner lasted 7 hours and 18 minutes on Monday before discovering that the trap at D18 does not check who is coming home.

On Monday evening at D18, Wargunizer was killed by a shotgun trap. It was Wargunizer's own. The life it ended had run 7 hours and 18 minutes, which is long enough to forget where one has put things.

The week had been going well. On Friday evening Wargunizer won a purge, and the last issue had handed over an award. A shotgun trap recognises neither. It has one setting and applies it fairly.

By Tuesday night Wargunizer was at the Large Barn buying a horse, which on this island is not quite the safe choice it sounds. The ranch pages have more on that.

The Wire

Wed 22:31. MB was first to loot an elite crate on the Large Oil Rig.

Wed 23:08. MB followed it up by winning a purge.

Thu 10:46. MinusBabos did 300 scrap of business with a vendor.

Thu 15:51. cyberkev won a purge.

Sat 15:46. Somebody fed a car to the shredder.

Sat 19:11. Hol's minicopter exploded at A-2 with Hol still aboard.

Mon 20:11. The Stoic One sold 100 wool for 13 rope, 15 scrap and 140 metal fragments, after two offers were turned down.

Tue 12:40. tgm.master's minicopter exploded at F12, pilot included.

Wed 06:09. A minicopter exploded at W26 with nobody aboard, which counts as the week's most successful crash.

Wed 17:56. sitys bought a horse at the Large Barn.

The Ranch

The island's busiest rancher is killed by a horse, then buys another

sargoner45 brought 58 animals into the world this week and was taken out of it by one.

The ranch run by sargoner45 recorded 58 births this week: 32 calves and 26 male calves. No other ranch on the island came close.

The relationship with livestock is not entirely one way. Shortly before one o'clock on Sunday morning, at P19, sargoner45 was killed by a horse after 21 minutes alive.

That evening sargoner45 went to the Large Barn and bought a horse. The Chronicle admires the forgiveness, or the strategy, and will not ask which.

Business & the Casino

A two scrap stake comes good while somebody else spins 61 times

Lvl. put 2 scrap into a slot machine on Friday morning and took 25 back out, which is the kind of return the machines are designed to make people believe in.

Somewhere else on the floor, a resident spun 61 times, at one point losing 22 spins in a row, and walked away 86 scrap down. The machines do not keep score, but they would win if they did.

The wheel at the Large Barn, which last week took 140 scrap off Alsuvius in one go, had Error 404 put 82 scrap on it on Friday evening.

Sport

ell clears the week's hardest raidable base alone

A tier four base, one raider, and 31 bases cleared across the week.

On Sunday afternoon ell cleared the hardest raidable base taken anywhere on the island this week, a tier four, with nobody else along. Across every tier ell cleared 31 bases in the week, which leaves very little raidable on the island that ell has not already raided.

New Arrivals

Sandman wins a purge before finishing a fourth hour on the island

Sandman had been on the island for 3.7 hours when the purge ended with Sandman on top. Most residents spend their first four hours learning which plants are edible. Sandman was one of 57 new residents this week, and so far the most efficient.

Around the Island

The grid reaches stage four and two satellites come down on Sunday

The island's power grid came up to stage four early on Sunday morning. Within the hour a satellite came down at T11, and on Sunday afternoon another followed it into Lake A. The island has not said whether the two are connected, and the island rarely says anything.

The Deep

Six crates in fifteen minutes, and a boat that keeps going back

On Thursday morning Error 404 surfaced six underwater crates inside 15 minutes, a pace the seabed is not used to.

ИГРОК built a boat at A4 on Sunday, 58 blocks and 62 deployables, and took it into the deep that same day. ИГРОК went back in on Monday and again on Tuesday. Whatever is out there, it is apparently worth three trips.

Transit

The island's most travelled horse rider starves, then builds a boat

Lil-Poot has covered 208 km on horseback this wipe. Food did not come along.

Lil-Poot has ridden 208 km on horseback this wipe, more than anyone else on the island. On Saturday evening at E18, after 4 hours and 24 minutes, Lil-Poot starved.

On Monday night, at the same square, Lil-Poot built a boat of 58 blocks and 41 deployables. The Chronicle reads this as a resident ready to try a different direction.

Oddities

Two residents meet their own rockets on Sunday

Early on Sunday morning beeper was killed by a basic rocket at F10 after 13 minutes. The rocket was beeper's. On Tuesday beeper paid a vendor 125 scrap for a boat, which has no launcher.

Dr. Horseman, M.D. had already crashed a minicopter at O10 shortly before beeper's misfortune, staying aboard for the explosion. Around midday Dr. Horseman, M.D. was killed at F11 by a basic rocket of the doctor's own, 6 minutes into a fresh life. A busy morning for the doctor's own equipment.

Obituaries

rabidkevin harmed nothing for 8 hours and 45 minutes, and the ground did not return the favour

rabidkevin lived 8 hours and 45 minutes without harming a single thing, not even a rabbit, and spent none of that time at a base. It was a life of pure wandering.

On Tuesday evening at Q18, naked, rabidkevin fell. The ground won, as it does, and showed no sign of appreciating the restraint.

Fabio and Father Wazukyan, who kept firing

Fabio fired 577 shots across a 25 minute life at L10 on Sunday and hit with 18 of them. On Tuesday evening Fabio returned to L10, naked, and was killed after 5 minutes by an HV rocket of Fabio's own, which at least did not miss.

Father Wazukyan lasted 43 minutes at S14 on Monday night, firing 582 shots and landing 19. The island is still collecting the rest.

The ground claims two on Sunday

Snail Nipple bought a rowboat at the Fishing Village on Saturday night. A few hours later, at Z9, naked and 4 minutes into a new life, Snail Nipple fell. The rowboat was not involved.

On Sunday morning crass_user fell at Sewer Branch after 35 minutes. The ground went two for two.

TrumpsRightEar, 13 hours and 27 minutes, met the train at K8

TrumpsRightEar had lived 13 hours and 27 minutes when a train came through K8 in the small hours of Monday. The train kept to its timetable.

The week’s awards

Hoisted by Their Own Petard
To Wargunizer, for building a shotgun trap at D18 so reliable that it made no exception for its builder.
The Conscientious Objector
To rabidkevin, who lived 8 hours and 45 minutes without harming a thing, not even a rabbit.
Patience of the Week
To the resident who spun 61 times, lost 22 in a row and finished 86 scrap down, and kept spinning anyway.
The Scientists' Favourite
To CapCon, killed by the island's NPCs 44 times in 24 hours of play this wipe. The scientists have started saving a seat.
Spray and Pray Medal
To Fabio, for 577 shots and 18 hits in a single 25 minute life at L10.

Resident of the week

DireRear

66.6 hours on the island this season

DireRear's week of explosives goes well for the island

DireRear has put 66.6 hours into the island this season, and this week was mostly spent finding out what it costs. On Friday DireRear started a crate at the Water Treatment Plant. On Monday night at E11, a life of 62 minutes produced 445 shots and 16 hits.

Wednesday was the explosives. Around midday at E11, a 28 minute life ended with DireRear's own F1 grenade. That evening at F9 a basic rocket of DireRear's did the same after 22 minutes, and shortly afterwards at F8 another F1 grenade closed a 16 minute life. Three self-inflicted deaths in one day, each a square further along, which suggests DireRear was at least making progress.

Classifieds

From 24 vending machines and 117 offers in stock.

Bargains

  • Water Pump, 100 scrap. At “A Shop”, proprietor sargoner45. a 70% discount on the going rate.

Also open for business: Clones :heartrock:, Gold Coin Shop:dance:, I live on R4:heartrock:, Mmmmm....Donuts, My Family is starving:heartrock:, NeverLony's SHOP:coffeecan:, Shob :hazmat:.

Weather

  • WedPassing showers
  • ThuClear
  • FriPassing showers
  • SatPassing showers
  • SunPassing showers
  • MonClear
  • TueSqually

Mostly passing showers, with clear skies all of Thursday and Monday. Tuesday turned squally, with rain in 16 percent of readings and storm in 9.

Watch next week

  • Whether DireRear gets through a whole Wednesday without being killed by DireRear's own grenade.
  • Whether you can find out what ИГРОК keeps taking that boat into the deep for.
  • Whether the horse sargoner45 bought at the Large Barn turns out friendlier than the one at P19.

The BZ Chronicle is drafted by machine from the island’s own event wire and read by a human before it prints. It never prints held wealth, base locations or anyone’s schedule. Rather not be named? Ask in Discord and the paper will leave you out.