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Week threeIssue 4 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

ClearIsland weather, Tue

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 4PvE Hardcore edition

Week three15 days left in the season

Trap season

Two more shotgun traps do exactly what they were built to do

TheFlyingCow and Winter Unicorn were each shot by a trap of their own, a week after this paper first noticed the trend.

Last week this paper reported that a shotgun trap had done exactly what Wargunizer built it to do. The traps appear to have read the coverage. On Sunday morning at Q18, Winter Unicorn was killed by Winter Unicorn's own shotgun trap, two hours and two minutes into a life.

TheFlyingCow, who bought a horse at the Large Barn on Monday evening, lasted considerably longer. A run of 15 hours and 39 minutes ended on Wednesday afternoon at L11, in front of a shotgun trap that answered to TheFlyingCow and nobody else.

A shotgun trap does not check names. In that respect it is the most loyal thing on the island, and the island seems to approve.

The Wire

Wed 22:14. TAC grew a wheat plant with a near perfect gene line, GYGGYY.

Wed 22:20. MB cleared a tier one raidable base at L10.

Thu 10:40. DireRear, whom the last issue was watching for grenades, spent 48.4 seconds under a parachute instead, covering 1,888 metres after opening it 22.9 metres up.

Thu 13:08. Mel paid 125 scrap for a boat.

Thu 19:42. crass_user lasted 3 hours 37 minutes at C14 before an F1 grenade of crass_user's own brought things to a close.

Fri 00:42. A minicopter exploded at O9 with Dr. Horseman, M.D. aboard.

Sun 06:24. Mr Whippy sold 327 wool for 55 scrap, 40 low grade fuel and a top tier double door, after one rejection.

Sun 23:09. sargoner45 paid 150 scrap to have a door opened.

Tue 13:42. A minicopter exploded at F17 with crass_user aboard, rounding off a mixed week for crass_user and explosions.

Wed 22:00. Fencepost won a purge with the week very nearly over.

Sport

ell and VIKTOR clear the hardest raidable base of the week

A tier four base fell to a party of two on Thursday.

The toughest raidable base taken on the island this week was a tier four, and it took two people to do it. ell and VIKTOR cleared it before noon on Thursday, without bringing a crowd.

Across every tier, the week's tally reached 37 bases cleared. None of the others was as hard as this one.

New Arrivals

Two newcomers find the good stuff inside their first seven hours

An elite crate and a purge win for residents still learning where things are.

KCDinc had been on the island for 6.4 hours when, on Wednesday night at Military Tunnel, KCDinc became the first to open an elite crate there. Residents with considerably more hours have yet to manage that.

On Monday evening Vortex, 6.9 hours into island life, won a purge outright. They are two of the 29 new residents listed in this week's arrivals, and they have set the bar for the other 27 uncomfortably high.

The Deep

beeper brings up 18 crates in 15 minutes

Friday's dive was the quickest haul of the week, and the boat that followed is larger still.

On Friday afternoon beeper surfaced 18 underwater crates inside 15 minutes, the fastest run of the week. jehrek had set the earlier mark in the small hours of Thursday, with 9 crates in the same 15 minutes.

By Wednesday beeper had built a boat at D10 of 52 blocks and 59 deployables, which suggests the sea has not seen the last of it.

The Ranch

TreeGoat's ranch delivers 128 calves while Lil-Poot loses a horse

A busy week at the ranches, and a sad one for the island's most travelled rider.

TreeGoat ran the busiest ranch on the island, recording 128 births by Monday, 70 of them male calves and 58 more besides.

Lil-Poot, who has covered 265 km on horseback this wipe, more than anyone else on the island, lost a horse to an NPC at Oasis A on Sunday afternoon. It had been carrying a great deal of that distance.

The Large Barn kept selling replacements: Alsuvius bought a horse there early on Saturday and Kalorian another just after midnight going into Sunday.

Business & the Casino

The Stoic One has a profitable two minutes

Just after midnight going into Tuesday, The Stoic One put 37 scrap on the wheel at the Large Barn and collected 74. Two minutes later a slot machine took a stake of 10 scrap and returned 125.

The Stoic One then appears to have stopped, which is the rarest event the casino desk records.

Around the Island

The power grid climbs to stage three and then forgets

Meanwhile one locked door at the Underwater Lab was asked to open 109 times.

On Friday afternoon the island's power grid came up to stage three, the highest it reached all week. By early Monday it was down again, slipping from stage one to nothing at all.

In the early hours of Thursday the busiest locked door on the island was at the Underwater Lab, swiped 109 times by four different residents. What they wanted behind it has not been disclosed.

Obituaries

Alonely meets a locomotive three minutes in

On Thursday evening at U14, Alonely had been alive for 3 minutes when a locomotive arrived. The train was on time.

On Sunday morning at U18, Alonely, without clothes, lived 36 minutes before Alonely's own satchel charge went off. Both the train and the satchel are expected to carry on as normal.

The ground wins three more times

X_X T0A5T3D starved at H9 early on Wednesday after 14 hours and 24 minutes alive, came back, and fell to death at H9 that afternoon after 6 hours and 15 minutes. Sitting third on the island's board for NPCs killed was no help against either.

ReTTerWrath fell at Q19 on Thursday, 52 minutes into a life, and Buzz fell at The Dome on Sunday evening after 79 minutes. The ground has not commented and does not need to.

beeper fires 415 shots and hits with 4

On Monday morning at E8, beeper lived for 70 minutes, fired 415 shots and landed 4 of them. beeper sits second on the island's board for NPCs killed, so it is safe to assume the other days went better.

The week’s awards

Hoisted by Their Own Petard
To TheFlyingCow, who lived carefully for 15 hours and 39 minutes and was then shot at L11 by a shotgun trap of TheFlyingCow's own.
Spray and Pray Medal
To beeper, for 415 shots and 4 hits in a 70 minute life at E8. The other 411 are still out there somewhere.
The Self Destruct Prize
To gloobie, for an F1 grenade at E11, naked, two minutes into a life. It was the first of three such deaths that afternoon, and the prize could have gone to any of them.
At One With Nature
To a resident at U23 who starved, naked, 23 minutes into a life. The island provided nothing and charged nothing for it.
Saddle Sore Cup
To Lil-Poot, the island's most travelled rider this wipe at 265 km on horseback, and now in the market for a horse.

Resident of the week

gloobie

111.5 hours on the island this season

gloobie has a long Tuesday at E11

gloobie's week opened with a locomotive. On Friday night at G12, 74 minutes into a life, a train settled the matter, and in hindsight that was the sensible part of the week.

On Tuesday afternoon at E11, gloobie was killed by an F1 grenade of gloobie's own, two minutes in and without clothes. Under two hours later, at the same spot, a high velocity rocket did the same job, also two minutes in, also naked. Eleven minutes after that came a second rocket, four minutes in, and this time gloobie had dressed for it. With 111.5 hours on the island this season, gloobie is nothing if not committed.

Classifieds

From 24 vending machines and 128 offers in stock.

Also open for business: Clones :heartrock:, Gold Coin Shop:dance:, I live on R4:heartrock:, NeverLony's SHOP:coffeecan:, Your Mom's Bewbs:sick:, femboy farming llc.

Weather

  • WedSqually
  • ThuPassing showers
  • FriSqually
  • SatShowers
  • SunShowers
  • MonSqually
  • TueClear

A mostly clear week, broken by squalls on Wednesday, Friday and Monday, with Monday the most unsettled: rain or storm in 24 percent of looks at the sky. Tuesday showed nothing but clear sky, and gloobie spent it at E11 regardless.

Watch next week

  • Whether you see gloobie get through a Tuesday at E11 without being killed by gloobie's own explosives.
  • Whether you find out what four residents wanted behind that Underwater Lab door badly enough to swipe it 109 times.
  • Whether Lil-Poot finds a new horse and adds to that 265 km before the wipe.

The BZ Chronicle is drafted by machine from the island’s own event wire and read by a human before it prints. It never prints held wealth, base locations or anyone’s schedule. Rather not be named? Ask in Discord and the paper will leave you out.