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Week oneIssue 2 of 6

The BZ Chronicle

Passing showersIsland weather, Wed

All the news the island lets us print

Vol. 2026-10No. 2PvE Hardcore edition

Week one29 days left in the season

Four hours in

A newcomer beats the whole island to an elite crate on the Large Oil Rig

Gooder had been a resident for 4.1 hours and already held the best box on the rig.

Gooder had been on the island for 4.1 hours on Sunday night. That is usually long enough to learn which way the sea is and not much else. It was long enough, this time, to stand on the Large Oil Rig and be the first one into an elite crate.

The rig does not normally hand its best box to someone who arrived that afternoon. It did on Sunday, and the desk can find no sign that it minded.

Earlier in the week, on Thursday evening, PUSHING P had been first into an elite crate at Military Tunnel. Gooder did it from the newer end of the queue, as one of 144 new residents to land this week.

The Wire

Thu 17:35. A car was fed to the shredder and did not come back out as a car.

Fri 15:14. Mr Whippy landed a catfish.

Fri 20:12. The cargo ship left the island's waters, as it would five more times before the week was out.

Fri 23:11. crass_user started a crate at the Oil Rig and settled in to wait.

Sat 17:06. A second car went the same way as the first.

Sat 23:47. Lil-Poot sold to a vendor for 125 scrap shortly before midnight.

Sun 19:14. crass_user put 19 scrap on the big wheel and received nothing in return.

Tue 17:50. The Glue took 125 scrap from a vendor.

Wed 09:58. ИГРОК collected 300 scrap from a vendor, the largest such sale the wire saw this week.

Crime & Courts

The first killing of the wipe happens at a metre and a half

On a PvE island, ell and VIKTOR settled the question of who would be first.

On Sunday morning at F11, ell and VIKTOR became the two names attached to the island's first killing of one resident by another this wipe. The weapon was a pump shotgun. The distance was 1.5 metres, which is closer than most residents stand to their own furnaces.

The record does not say which of the two was holding the shotgun, and this paper will not guess. It notes only that this is a PvE island, and that the island has now been told.

The Deep

Three divers clear the seabed a quarter of an hour at a time

MB surfaced 30 underwater crates inside 15 minutes on Friday morning, the busiest burst of the week. ♥ neverlony managed 24 in the same span on Thursday afternoon, minutes after selling to a vendor for 125 scrap, and Error 404 raised 22 on Monday afternoon, having done 125 scrap of business with a vendor that morning.

jehrek also surfaced an underwater crate on Saturday, at what the desk will call a more reflective pace.

New Arrivals

Two newcomers win purges before their first day is out

Abuser and The Architect did not wait to be told how things work here.

Abuser had been on the island 5.3 hours when a purge win came in just after midnight on Saturday. The Architect, on the island 8.2 hours, took one on Saturday morning. Both were part of the week's 144 new residents.

They were not alone in the column. Alio3300 won a purge on Thursday evening and Hol won one on Monday afternoon, which suggests the event is survivable, if not for everyone.

Business & the Casino

A ten scrap stake comes back as 125, and the wheel takes its share elsewhere

Dosenwurst put 10 scrap into a slot machine on Monday and took 125 back out, a return of twelve and a half times the stake.

At the wheel in the Large Barn, Alsuvius collected 220 scrap on Saturday, placed 121 on Monday and 140 on Tuesday morning. The 140 came back as nothing. The wheel, as ever, is patient.

Last issue wondered whether BzK would take last wipe's 829 coin payout to the wheel. This week BzK was seen only at a vendor, taking 200 scrap on Friday morning, which the house will note is not the same thing.

The Farm Report

A life lived almost entirely indoors, and some very good wheat

Wargunizer lived for 9 hours 32 minutes in a stretch that ended on Monday evening, and spent 99 per cent of it at base. The remaining 1 per cent is not accounted for, and Wargunizer may prefer it that way.

Bagadonuts, meanwhile, produced a wheat plant on Friday night with the gene line YGYYGG: four yields and two growths, as near to perfect as wheat on this island tends to get.

Monuments

Puzzle rooms solved, then left alone for most of a day

The Underwater Lab, meanwhile, has a door that three residents cannot stop opening.

Three times this week a puzzle room sat solved before anyone came to collect. One waited 18 hours 18 minutes before it was emptied on Sunday morning. Two more were collected within ten minutes of each other early on Tuesday, after 19 hours 14 minutes and 17 hours 46 minutes respectively. Somebody is doing the hard part and then leaving.

Last issue asked where the island would settle. A partial answer: a locked door at the Underwater Lab was swiped 129 times in the week, by just three different residents. Whatever they want in there, they want it often.

Obituaries

The island buried nobody of note this week.

The week’s awards

Hermit of the Week
To Wargunizer, for a life of 9 hours 32 minutes spent 99 per cent at home. The island was out there the whole time and did not take it personally.
Lady Luck Citation
To Dosenwurst, who fed a slot machine 10 scrap on Monday and was handed 125 back. The machine has not explained itself.
Salvage Rights
To ♥ neverlony, for raising 24 underwater crates inside 15 minutes on Thursday afternoon, briskly and without apparent need for air.

Weather

  • ThuClear
  • FriShowers
  • SatThundery
  • SunShowers
  • MonShowers
  • TuePassing showers
  • WedPassing showers

Thursday was clear from first reading to last, and Saturday was the week's thundery day, with storm in a tenth of the sky readings. After that the island eased from showers into passing showers by Tuesday, and stayed there.

Watch next week

  • Whether you can be the one who collects a solved puzzle room inside a day, rather than the one who solves it and wanders off.
  • Whether the three residents swiping the Underwater Lab door 129 times make it a home, and whether you go and see why.
  • Whether BzK finally takes last wipe's 829 coin payout to the wheel at the Large Barn, where Alsuvius has just lost 140 scrap in one go.

The BZ Chronicle is drafted by machine from the island’s own event wire and read by a human before it prints. It never prints held wealth, base locations or anyone’s schedule. Rather not be named? Ask in Discord and the paper will leave you out.