All the news the island lets us print
Vol. 2026-09No. 5PvE Zombies edition
The wipe in reviewEarly edition
The wipe ends with Tom Cruise on top of the board, and two records that still won't move
The map opened at 14:13:43 on 03 SEP, seed 669039719 spread across 4,250 meters of coast nobody had walked yet. By the time the counters stopped this week the island had logged 103.2 thousand NPCs killed, 68.7 thousand barrels looted and 8,066 hours between 656 residents, all of it inside twenty six days most of them will remember through two grids in particular: Y4 and E24.
The pattern set in early. On 04 SEP a resident died three times inside an hour at H14, a battering ram, a bow and a rifle, three different hands and never the same weapon twice. That was the quiet warm up. At Y4, Cuttlefish opened the season's real grudge on 11 SEP with a point blank rocket into TooBy. TooBy sent it back on 20 SEP, and Cuttlefish closed the account twice more on 24 SEP and again the following morning, three kills to one by the time the grid went quiet. Over at E24, Bubbalish and ThAtGuYRMo ran much the same argument with grenades and rockets across five days, ThAtGuYRMo taking the last of four kills on 23 SEP to finish it three to one. Between the two grids the Bandit Camp wheel did its own share of damage: CyanN's spins there produced the season's biggest single payout, 22,000 scrap, and Tom Cruise, of all people, fed the same machine several thousand scrap with barely two days left to play and got nothing back for it.
This wipe's board settled on Tom Cruise across every column the island keeps, but shadow1100cc's 240.7 hour playtime record and TooBy's 3,626 NPC kills from the season before both survived untouched. The week closing out the map ran squally on Tuesday and settled to light cloud by Monday, with two days left on the clock as this issue goes out.
Two doors do most of the work all season
The island's keycards turned 2,763 times this wipe and its puzzle crates gave up their contents 4,801 times, with 472 fresh crates started along the way. Week after week the same doors kept reopening, Large Oil Rig's AF13 crate and Military Tunnel's W13 lock turning up in issue after issue, cracked by a different resident nearly every time. Tom Cruise swiped more keycards than anyone on the island, 265 of them across the season.
CyanN banks the season's biggest spin, Tom Cruise gives some back at the end
The island's machines produced 1,121 gambling outcomes this wipe off 622 wheel bets and 131 payouts. CyanN's best afternoon at the Bandit Camp wheel included a 12,000 scrap payout inside a single session on 17 SEP, part of a run the season's own records now credit with 22,000 scrap, the biggest single payout anyone managed all wipe. Tom Cruise, who spent the season topping every other board, found the wheel less obliging near the finish: on 27 SEP he fed it 2,000 scrap twice and 600 once more, and walked away each time with nothing back. BBwarrior909 simply never stopped pulling the lever, seventy bets across the season, more than anyone else bothered to place.
One diver supplies a third of the season's crates
Five hundred eighty seven crates came up out of the water this wipe against 108 deep traversals, and 2eZ | Vegus personally accounted for 187 of them, better than a third of the island's total on their own, a habit that started on day zero and never really let up.
Hemp carries the planters all season, Admiral General Aladeen carries the hemp
The planters logged 2,631 harvest sessions across the wipe, hemp turning up in the sample more than any other crop, with corn, berries, wheat and the odd pumpkin filling the gaps. Admiral General Aladeen put in more sessions than anyone else on the island, 111 of them by the time the map closed.
Every parachute jump this wipe belonged to the same man
The season's ledger shows 330 vendor trades, 27 cars shredded and 70 fish landed, with k014 alone accounting for 7,625 scrap sold across the wipe, more than anyone else at the stalls. Only three parachute jumps were logged all season, and all three belonged to TooBy: two of them on the same Saturday afternoon in the middle of the wipe, and a third on 27 SEP that opened its canopy at 85 meters, considerably more sensible than the nine meter deploy he tried the second time.
438 scientists in one sitting, and a life that found nothing at all
Soterios logged the wipe's most thorough single life on 23 SEP, seventeen hours and seventeen minutes alive, nearly four of them spent inside monuments, and 438 scientists dead by the time it ended, along with 130 residents and 48 animals besides. At the other end of the scale, rabidkevin spent an hour and twenty seven minutes wandering the island on 07 SEP and came back with nothing to show for it at all, no players, no scientists, not even a rabbit. TooBy's longest single life of the season ran 60 hours and 18 minutes, the longest anyone on the island managed to stay upright in one stretch.
Two grids carry the wipe's only real feuds
Almost none of the island's 8,827 logged fighting sessions turned on another resident this wipe, and the 20 pvp kills the season produced clustered mostly around two addresses. At Y4, Cuttlefish opened the account on 11 SEP with a rocket into TooBy at zero range. TooBy answered in kind on 20 SEP, and Cuttlefish closed it out twice more on 24 SEP and again the following morning, three kills to one by the time the grid went quiet. Over at E24, Bubbalish and ThAtGuYRMo ran much the same argument with grenades and rockets across five days in September, ThAtGuYRMo taking the last of four kills on 23 SEP to finish it three to one. shadow1100cc logged more fighting sessions against the scientists than anyone else on the island, 171 of them across the wipe.
Tom Cruise takes the wipe, but not the wipes before it
This wipe's board settled on Tom Cruise across every column the island keeps: 3,330 NPCs killed, 1,086 coins looted and 195 hours and 56 minutes played, ahead of TooBy's 2,814 kills in second place. One of those marks is a clean personal best, his coin total more than doubling his own 526 from last wipe. What he did not do is touch the records still standing from the wipe before this one. TooBy's 3,626 NPC kills remain nearly 300 clear of anything logged this season, and shadow1100cc's 240.7 hours are still a little over 44 hours further than Tom Cruise managed to reach. Elsewhere the season logged 2,130 skills learned, 288 purge wins and 1,809 elite first loots, Dudefaceguy taking more of those purges than anyone else at ten.
Twelve names carried their columns all season
2eZ | Vegus surfaced more crates than anyone in the water, 187 of them, better than a third of the island's total on their own. CyanN's 22,000 scrap payout dwarfs anything else the casino produced this wipe. And W00ZIE quietly claimed 67 elite first loots, more than most residents managed across the whole season combined.
Three weeks, three headlines, one long climb up the board
Week one closed with CyanN already leading both the NPC and playtime columns, six days into a twenty eight day map. Week two produced exactly one pvp kill all week, and it landed on TooBy at Y4, the start of a grudge that ran the rest of the season. Week three saw TooBy send that favor back at the same grid, while Tom Cruise quietly took over every column on the records board behind the scenes.
Two predictions held, one never had a chance
The wipe day briefing made three bets on how this season would go. It said TooBy would make a real run at his own 3,626 kill record: he finished at 2,814, passed along the way by Tom Cruise's 3,330, and the record stands untouched. Call that one fallen. It said Tom Cruise would need a better start than a mission and a lost fight with a fish to defend his coin throne: he finished with 1,086 coins looted, more than double his own 526 from last wipe. That one held. And it said nobody would touch shadow1100cc's 240.7 hour playtime record: the closest anyone came was Tom Cruise's 195 hours and 56 minutes, a little over 44 hours short. That one held too.
BudsMcKenzie
BudsMcKenzie's wipe opened the way most do, a Bow kit redeemed within the first six minutes on 03 SEP and a session at the planters before the day was out. It did not stay small for long. By 04 SEP a life already ten hours and three minutes old had racked up 112 player kills against 32 scientists, and the pace barely slowed from there: a life logged on 11 SEP ran fourteen hours and thirty six minutes and closed with 149 scientists dead alongside 99 residents and 20 animals, more scientists in one sitting than most residents manage in a week.
The rest of the wipe filled in around those marathons. A level two door opened at Airfield's M16 more than once across the season, corn and wheat went into the planters between fights, and on 17 SEP a spin at the Bandit Camp wheel turned 237 scrap into 948, followed minutes later by a 386 scrap payout at the same table. The last life the digest shows, on 28 SEP with the map nearly closed, ran four hours and forty four minutes and still found 95 scientists to fight through before it ended.
Whether Tom Cruise's 3,330 kills, this wipe's high mark, ever catches TooBy's 3,626 from two seasons back, or whether that number simply ages into folklore.
Whether the Y4 grudge between TooBy and Cuttlefish, three kills to one when the map closed, follows either of them onto the next island.
Whether shadow1100cc's 240.7 hour playtime record survives a third season, with Tom Cruise the closest anyone has come and still 44 hours short.